Melisande Meadowshine

Melisande Meadowshine
Melisande Meadowshine
@melisande#135
2018-04-20 17:56:00

A Late April Journal Entry

Spring is here in full force now. The cliffs of Tol Barad are dotted with wildflowers, and the boughs of the fruit trees are near to bursting with blooms. Hopefully that means a decent harvest, somewhere down the line. Already I'm attempting to devise some cherry-based cocktails in my mind, for it looks as if we'll have plenty come late June.


I have business plans! Business plans, me. I can scarcely believe it, but I've been talked into at least giving it a go. I've designed some little embroidered necklaces. Then there are the wall hangings (of course, because apparently everyone loves “fuck” as much as I do, though I've got other things in the works)....perhaps some handkerchiefs? Baby bonnets? I'll have to to sit down and plan it all out. I made Ren a handkerchief that I'm terribly pleased with, actually, so I'll just have to do more.


Ren...that's another topic entirely. I don't entirely know what to do with myself where he's concerned. I kissed him Monday, on the stairs, and though it left me feeling giddy, it also left me feeling...I don't know, strange. I'm certain I like him more than he likes me. That's not so bad - it's the usual state of affairs for me in all corners of my life. I just like people. I get excited about them. I've come to accept it's who I am.


But he seems the very opposite of eager to put his real feelings into anything. And after spending so long shut up away from anyone's real feelings, well. The drought has ended and I'm not eager to see it return. Going slowly? That I can do. But this? I don't know.


I suppose as it stands, I can just wait and see. Not invest anything but the smiles and kindness I invest in everyone I befriend. But I won't torture myself trying to read the tea leaves in his smirky expressions and his playful words.


I want so much more than that from someone. If I thought for a moment I could fake it, I might try. But I can't. I have an allergy to artifice. Light, I want to devour him anyway, though. I’m such a bumbling fool.


We have so many new people aboard at Heart of the Raven. New friends. I couldn't be more overjoyed at all the new additions. Rustberg is growing like a weed, and even the long-term villagers seem to have accepted the increased commerce and liveliness, even if I think we sometimes vex them with all our colorful personalities.


I believe even Handrin is joining the crew, doing who knows what. Probably things I'm better off not knowing about. If only I could convince Derin to come out here. He could do so much more here... and then it would be all the easier to bother him, truth be told. And he'd have Shade nearby, and their interests must surely overlap some. There's something to be said for the wildness of this place, a long way from magistrates and police and all. Someone like him can do just what he wishes without prying eyes. I would very much like to see what he can really do.


He’s a sensitive thing. He’s special. And I know if he comes and joins our odd little crew in some way, he’ll have the full force of our weird family behind him. I think he might need that.


Things are better. More and more I find myself going a whole day without thinking of Ler. It's only in the quiet of night that it comes back to me. And it doesn't hurt so much. Not anymore. There will always be that little sore spot, but the wound is no longer a hot and festering wound. I haven't seen hide nor hair of him in weeks. With any luck that will continue.


Audemus has returned. I don't think I trust myself to write about that just yet - I'll surely cry and I’ve already reached this month’s quota for walking around with puffy eyes. I'm just so happy he's home safe.


I haven't seen Dorian in ages. I know he's a tough one, but I'm a bit nervous all the same. Must write to him today.


Matty has stuck around much longer than I expected. We still don't speak of the gap. Much to my own surprise, I'm alright waiting until he's ready to talk about it.


The children are doing well. The eldest ones can read decently well now, and all of them ask after more books so often I can barely keep up.


Life is very full these days.



Comments

Khaeris Dawndancer
Khaeris Dawndancer · @khaeris#23
2018-05-28 21:09:49

I have missed Meli's journal entries, I hope you get more inspiration to write again soon! So much happens with her, I would love to see more.

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