Melisande Meadowshine

A Tuesday Morning Journal Entry

Last night was a little quieter than I expected. But most of our usual crowd came (save Mr. Blacksong and Lady Ael….I do hope they haven't gone for good), and with a few new faces besides.

Handrin came to visit us! I was quite pleased, actually. He always makes the day a little brighter. I didn't see Derin last night (unsurprising, given his seeming allergy to crowds), but I'm glad we're luring him out more nonetheless. Everyone needs friends around them. He admitted a few nights ago that he'd been to jail...for what? Public nerding out isn't a crime, near as I can tell. Perhaps there's more to him than meets the eye. I'll continue my campaign of kindness, see if we can't bring him into the fold.

And then there's Ren. Where do I start? He came out two nights ago - during the whole “gargoyle” dust-up, no less, how embarrassing - and we took a walk down the pier.

It wasn't raining and the moon was bright. It wasn't even too terribly cold. We spoke for a long while, and when all the tension got to be a little too much for me, I tried to politely flee.

It didn't work.

He called me out! Right there on the damn pier. He did it gently, kindly, took my hand and tugged me back down. His words are a blur to me now. Something about rebounds and no guarantees and wanting to kiss me. And both of us being a bit ginger, afraid of being hurt.

It all felt so startlingly honest.

How is it I now feel both relieved and nervous? And what do I do? I did see him last night after my shift, and everyone proceeded to rib me mercilessly about his mere presence. Ren didn't seem bothered by it at all, merely commented that I seemed easy to tease. He's not wrong. It's not my fault I blush at the slightest provocation!

Alas, I didn't have a spare moment to tell him that I do want to try. Try what, I don't know. I just know that I feel excited and happy each time he appears. And yet it's nothing like it felt with Ler. It's its own creature entirely. Could I be content with just that for now? I think so.

I like the way he smiles, the way he speaks to me - the way he speaks to everyone, actually. The fact that he carries that newspaper always does feel just a little bit serendipitous. And I long to sling my arms around his waist and breathe him in. Easy, girl. It's only a hair past nothing, after all.

Oh! I met a woman who belongs to the Silver Hand. How glamorous and romantic is that? She was perfectly lovely, too...I’m determined to make a friend of her if I can find her again. I have a feeling we’d get along well.