Trisandrah Emberstrom

Things Shattered

After a long and tiring night of going circles, Tris was home. Without even bothering to turn on any lights, she made her way to her bedroom, shoulders were slumped in defeat and exhaustion. She shed her clothing, save for an underslip, and plopped down in a chair, ignoring Duir as she’d done for weeks now. She looked down at her arm, fingers tracing the new skin in spots along it…still marked from her bout with fire. Though, the wounds weren’t nearly as bad as they seemed in her head. They had healed fine, with only discoloration and mottled texture remaining.

“You could try being a dominatrix…” “Maybe you need a different friend with benefits…” “You should train as a mercenary…” “Join the military!”

She thought she might be able to get somewhere if she talked to him without Raerys. She knew Ouro likely didn’t want to talk much.  Tonight’s conversation had been already been a drag. He’d listened to Raerys and her argue back and forth all night. She needed options, but none seemed apparent. She had no idea where her other option was. She hadn’t talked to Zayneth since she’d seen him after the show in Eversong. She still didn’t feel she could be completely open with him, but enough so she would be able to talk things through. When it all started, she couldn’t wait to send his chocolates and write what a horse’s patootie Raerys had been. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

Her leg bounced, her body’s lame attempt to be rid of nervous energy. She hopped out of the chair and made her way through the dressing room to where Duir stood. She gave “him” light, tentative tap.  A little rush went through her. Another, this time a little harder. She wasn’t quite as strong as she had been, nor would her endurance hold out. Both things are so easy to lose when inactive.

A good lay, she says. Thwap. Be a dominatrix. Pow. Every. Single. Time. Raerys had asked for it. Needled her until she broke and told her more than she should have. It hadn’t been so bad. But tonight? Just with everything else.. “How dare you belittle me when I don’t see things as you do? We all have our problems. But they’re all different. Why can’t you actually love and accept me as I am without trying to fix me?”

It didn’t take long before she was tired and spent.  In the shower, she lamented on how Raerys, and Ouro, thought she couldn’t do anything. While she’d hated her time at that place, her time convalescing had included controlling her magic.

Raerys had wanted nothing more than to know what went on in her head. Now that she did, she wanted to fix it all. There was no fixing her. There was only managing things.

At that moment she had a realization. One so clear and simple, she didn’t understand why it hadn’t come to her before.

All she needed was someone who actually did understand her. Not a lover or partner. Just a friend. In the unlikelihood he would want to be, Ouro could not be that person for her because of Raerys. About the time Raerys found out they were spending any time together, Raerys wouldn’t be mollified. She would assume the worst. While she didn’t know everything about Zayneth and had no idea know how good she really was at hiding who she was around him. But she didn’t think him the type to understand what she was.

She came out of the shower and picked up her comm. “Oh fiddle. Why can’t you at least have a comm. Find me soon, yeah? I’m ready.” She’d murmured out loud as if de Luca were still murmuring over her shoulder, though the forsaken was nowhere to be found, certainly not inside her flat.  She hoped it wouldn’t be long before de Luca found her again.

She laid down on the bed and picked up her comm again. She hesitated, holding her finger over the button for a few long moments before pressing it. “Zayneth…”