Ziator Silverstar

Piece of his heart

Like most evenings these days, Ziator was laying on the bed with Badeau, his head resting on the other’s chest. Zia stared up at the ceiling, daydreaming, as Bad read. It wasn’t an unusual situation for the two of them to be like that together but it was so different than Zia was ever used to. And yet, it felt so incredibly perfect. It was as if he’d been waiting for these moments his entire life.

Somehow, from the moment he had met the man, Badeau had made him feel connected in a way he’d never felt before. He’d always been an independent person, he had to be, but it was more than that. He had always felt cut off from others, disconnected in a way that made him feel very lonely. And somehow, he truly hadn’t noticed just how disconnected he was until this amazing creature came into his life. He had been so strangely drawn in that night and left in a weightless daze. It was like he had reached over and touched his heart, waking it right up, with that dark but playful spirit and that smile that he was certain could simply knock the air right out of his lungs.

He felt inspired and alive and so truly understood. Badeau was everything he had been waiting for to come along and he was being proven that more and more each day. He kept thinking to himself that there was no way he could possibly fall even more in love and then this beautiful man continues to make a liar out of him.

It wasn’t as though all his problems were washed away though. That voice in the back of his head was still there and it had new material to taunt him with now. Everyday it told him that he wasn’t good enough for Badeau, that he didn’t deserve him. It would try to convince him even that it was all a cruel joke. Or that Bad would leave him one day just like the others did. That he would tired of him and suddenly become disgusted by him. But then he’d look over and see the way Badeau smiled or feel his arms tightening or his hand squeezing in reassurance. He knew those voices were a lie.

He still would look in the mirror and hate his own reflection. It was wrong. So wrong. He hated how he looked. He hated to eat. He felt disgusting. The food made him feel sick for so many reasons. Even though he was happy with his new life, this was all still a daily struggle. He wasn’t sure if Badeau realized the extent of why it was such a struggle for him but he was incredibly patient through it and was gentle in his little ways of trying to help. No one had ever tried to help as much as Bad did and that alone made him want to be better. It made him know that he really was loved. It was one of the thousands of ways he was reminded.

All he had to do was pull the necklace out from under his shirt and look at that little vial. Badeau had literally given him a piece of his heart. What more proof did he need?