Ziator Silverstar

invasive memories

Thin, slightly trembling fingers reached out to trace the edge of the photograph that sat there in the small box that he held. He hadn’t eaten in a couple of days now. That wasn’t highly unusual for him, though he normally took the food that Badeau offered him whenever he’d encourage him to eat. But lately, Ziator had refused. With most people, he would pretend to eat but with Bad, he didn’t do that. It felt like lying and he didn’t want to lie to Bad, even about something like that. He knew he’d have to eat something soon though. It was just that he had a lot on his mind lately and that made everything more difficult for him.

He was missing his mother. Or… maybe not missing. …Was it?  He wasn’t sure. His memories of her were so scattered. Just bits and pieces that would pop up in his mind now and then. At least the good parts were scattered. This was about the time of year that she was killed though. That was one thing that he could still remember vividly.

Just a little boy, only a few years old. His mother had shooed him into closet. The group of men that showed up were ones she’d entertained before. She was a woman who did what she needed to in order to keep herself and her boy alive. Selling herself was what she had found worked best and these men paid a lot to indulge their particular tastes. They weren’t supposed to show up today but sometimes that happened. She didn’t like putting Zia in that closet when she had guests but he was only three, she figured. He won’t understand what’s going on. Besides, they never took long.

And it didn’t take her long to realize something wasn’t right. There was a look in their eyes. They were rougher than usual.

Inside the closet, Zia was playing with the stuffed bear that his mother had bought him the week before. A simple thing but it was his favorite thing. He didn’t know what was going on outside the door but there had been noises. Strange ones but his mother had told him to stay in here until she came to get him so he would. But suddenly everything was very quiet and then something was coming in under the door. Something red and wet. But still, he sat there. Mama had told him to wait, after all.

Something wasn’t right. It had been so long. And the floor was wet. As he clutched his bear, he opened the door…

That was where it was all flashes.

Blood everywhere.

Climbing onto the bed, shaking his mother. “Mommy, wake up… please, mommy…”

The people coming in and taking him away. He dropped his bear.

As he stared down at the photo, his hand started twitching. He hated that. With a growl, he shoved the photo back into the box and curled up. He remembered that place they lived. It had been boarded up since. He wasn’t sure for how long but he knew for long while, maybe ever since it happened.

Sometimes he would walk by there on purpose. It was out of the way and there was no other reason to ever go there. But sometimes he just wanted to. He always tempted to go in there. He wondered if that bear was still in there. But he was scared to do it alone, for so many reasons.

As he shoved the box aside, he got up, chewing on his thumbnail as he wondered what Bad would think. Maybe he would go there with him. Maybe he wouldn’t think it was stupid. He would understand, right?