Khaeris Dawndancer

Bounty

The bite of the cider faded only slowly on Khaeris’s tongue. She’d maybe spiked it a little too much. … Maybe. Ha, oh well! No one to know but herself and Pollux. She smirked and took another full drink, holding it in her mouth and picking out flavors as she looked over the quiet Bazaar. People were at home celebrating and sharing food, occasionally people would walk past. She knew them some, Pollux’s neighbors, and they would wave and wish her a happy holiday. Contentment tried to cocoon her. She tried not to fight it.

It was a good day. It had been a small meal, just the two of them, but she was happy for that, too. Pollux had been able to be home more the last month or so. But she didn’t plan on him being there. Even subconsciously she shied away from thinking about next week, next month … tomorrow. He could get the call at any moment. Nothing had changed. Nothing could change, there.

But he was home now. Passed out on his couch and full of food with enough flavor that even his stubborn tastebuds felt it. Red cranberry. Spiced bread stuffing. The sharp sweet-savory of a small honeyed ham. The cider. She’d make more of that. It felt nice now, warming her.

She might not have family, but she held her people carefully in her heart and felt it swell. They weren’t all there with her, and might not be there with her again, but they were still hers in a way, and she was so thankful.

Pollux… things hadn’t been easy lately--ever?--but he was steady and he was solid. He saw her true--no pedestals there, and no masks. She didn’t understand what he said he saw, she didn’t know if she ever would, but they were trying to settle into … something. Whatever it was this week. Her nose wrinkled. Best not to think down that road. Just thankful he was home and safe and whole. He had done that thing where he’d pushed all his furniture to the edges of the room, and they’d danced while the food had cooked. They’d eaten seated next to each other, legs pressed against each others under the table, even alone.

She crossed her ankles down the steps and her bangles chimed, one a different note to pick out in the last few days. Her eyes fell to the new anklet. Early Winter’s Veil from Helal. It matched the one she’d worn on her wrist for years now. White enameled runes prettily giving circled protections. Helal was generous with her. Time, protection, affection. It could be dizzying. Thankful for his presence in her life. Always passionate. He shared so freely with her.

A breeze made her chin pull into the turtleneck of the sweater Pyraelia had made her last year. Pyraelia was either at her estate with her sister, or maybe at home in her own little place with her servants. They had agreed to exchange pies tomorrow. Khaeris intended to bring her some of the cider, too. They could get a little drunk and play Go Fish. Pyraelia always had a place for her. Whether she was ready to talk about things or just needed a soft space to hunker down in, Py made room for her.. There were sheep and alpacas and cats. They could start stringing the popcorn for the trees again. Maybe she could talk Pollux into joining. Things had softened between them again a little, and Khaeris was very grateful for that. They both looked at each other with awkwardness. They didn’t understand each other, but they weren’t fighting at least.

She snorted to herself. Fighting. She often felt the edge of a fight she didn’t understand. It happened more with Iloam than anyone. One moment he was careful of her, the next he was harsh. He never let excuses ride. He made her challenge her own views on herself. They didn’t agree on some things, but he didn’t let her bullshit herself, if he saw it. He was the fiercest rebuttal to her inner critic. She remembered the way it felt to break down in front of him, and she made sure she recalled the way he had offered to help, in his way. It would likely be the best gift she got for a long while--that afternoon of questions and answers. When he let her listen to his stories, too. She heard bits of his history when she never expected to be privy to any of it. It wasn’t a gift to take lightly. Intimacy in a way she craved. Solace given when she’d given up on it. Reignition of something she couldn’t explain, but felt deep inside.

She finished with her cider but was not ready to move inside yet. When she was alone Khaeris didn’t try to deny that she still felt off. Felt out of step with the world and her loved ones. She missed them. She ached in bittersweet depths for the ease and certainty of Andaeros. The secrets shared and forest relief of Ashraen’s hugs. The smiles and stories of Kenjai with their little magic scenes. The widsom and grace of Centori, so long admired. The swagger and understanding of Xiuhteena, with a delicacy of heart unrivaled. The new and shared warmth of Valarin, careful but sincere. Dicenne’s broad shoulders and open embraces. Kaistrae’s selfish certainty and wolfish grin.

Khaeris was rich. Even if everything fell away tomorrow, she was grateful. She would survive anything, but they all made it easier. She was lucky in her bounty.