Khaeris Dawndancer

Into the Bin, Where You Belong

Khaeris pushed the needle through the popcorn and smiled slightly to feel the strange texture of the decoration. She wasn't as good at this as Pyraelia was, but she'd strung several lines of the tree decorations. The most humble and mundane of Pyraelia's decorations, but the two had been talking and sharing space for an hour with mulled cider and a plate piled with fruit and cheese.

Truly, there wasn't much left to decorate. Busy so many years with decorating Silvermoon, Pyraelia's home was sweetly but fully decked for the Winter's Veil holiday. The magistrix had such a good eye for these things and Khaeris had seen the holiday warmth the moment she'd arrived. It would be full on feasting and presents and people soon. It should make her feel the warmth, not just recognize it. But it didn't. And it didn't seem to be touching her hostess much either.

Though she chatted amiably, Pyraelia was a bit sad, and Khaeris knew she was feeling disheartened. This was a time for family, and Pyraelia was still adjusting to the empty spaces in her heart where her parents and sibling had been. Without thinking, Khaeris leaned over and kissed the fair woman's cheek, grinning back when her friend gave her that beaming, adorable smile in mild confused pleasure.

In a year, Pyraelia might not  be feeling so lonely. She'd probably have had her wedding. Khaeris shivered to think of that, but hid it by rising and moving to throw her garland around the tree they'd been decorating tonight.

Tinsel caught her gaze, catching some mage light glow or flicker of fire. She didn't want to admit it, but she was aching as much as her friend. She hadn't even decorated her wagon this year. In his apartment, she'd hung the stocking she'd gotten Pollux last year, her own next to it. Her own remained empty, though his had a few treats tucked inside--cigarettes he liked, cinnamon candy canes (they were red, of course), and a few other sundries. He had a few small true presents waiting for him, but she sulked to think she wouldn't know when he'd get them.

There was a flare of anger in her--just a moment, a flash of brilliant seething hurt and fury--but then it was gone, leaving an afterglow she blinked away as sudden wetness in her eyes.  Tantrums. Ha. Ridiculous. This was nothing new. She'd be alone. She'd been alone. She could survive it, but gods and goats, she wasn't pleased about it. New Years was going to feel desolate and anxious, worried about him instead of with him. Pyraelia would have her people she needed to be with. Khaeris knew she could shove her way in here, but it wasn't her place to do so. Next year it would be even worse to elbow her way into Py's home.

Bellani. Ashraen. Helal. Ralandis. Andaeros. Kenarin. Zaralen. Kaistrae. Iloam.

Gone. Dangerous. Busy. Whatever they were, they wouldn't be with her. Hadn't been in ages. Who was thinking of her? Just herself, like always. Everyone had better things to do, or  better people to be concerned with. She could take care of herself.

It was nothing new. So why did it sting so much?

She startled when the glass bauble with the spark of arcane tumbled from her distracted hands and crashed into the floor, shattering with a bright, incongruously cheerful notes. Khaeris stared at the shards around her feet for a moment, before she burst into embarrassed, cheerful laughter, much like the decoration had. She twisted to see her grin infecting Pyraelia, even as the taller woman went to cast some simple cantrip to clean up the mess. Khaeris let the spell sweep up her unwelcome emotions, too, and put them in the dustbin with the rest of the shattered glass.