Kharris Dawndancer-Blacksong

What Might Have Been

Kharris gave Kieran another hug while Coire waited grumpily near the small group of elves. The old direwolf didn't appreciate the disruption of this time of year. Kharris smiled to see the wolf, understand some of his agitation.

She kissed her friend's cheek and sank down to the flat of her feet. He was much taller than she was. It always surprised her, no matter how many times she saw him.

They were no longer children, but they would always be startled by that, so deeply entrenched in each other's more innocent days.

Guilt pulled at her here. Guilt for leaving Kieran out here with only his wolf for company. She knew that she and Asarel were welcome here--but at the same time, Kieran would undoubtedly feel some ease as they left.

Asarel readjusted their packs on the animals and helped Kharris up. She had let ATS know she would not be coming home for the rest of the month. Castien would have things well in hand, and if he didn't Ylaise would get it done.

Kharris looked up toward the grave of her son on the hill. A fresh wave of other guilt welled up in her and threatened to drown her fragile return to living.

If only she hadn't been here. A clinic. A proper midwife or doctor. A hospital rather than a cabin.

It had seemed so natural at the time--women gave birth every day. Offspring should need no help to come into the world. Theryl had had several of her own children, she knew what to expect. She would help guide Kharris...

Theryl had tried, but there had been nothing to help the tragedy. Kharris had failed to do nature's set task.

If only she'd gone to a doctor....

The guilt hung heavy with hubris, and she would never be sure her son hadn't paid the crushing price...

Asarel's cluck to the mounts pulled her from her reverie just as it was meant to do. She shook her head. They were leaving. It was time to stop wallowing in those thoughts.