Lilliana Whitedawn

'Normal'

(( I already posted this on Tumblr, but I definitely forgot to slap it down here. ))

I haven’t had a man treat me as an honest-to-gods equal in so many years that I tore him apart at first, vicious wit at the ready.

And when he kept trying, and pulling that first wall down brick by brick not by prying…but by laughing, and being so genuinely accepting that it hurt, I didn’t know what to do but laugh along with him.

I’m so used to the pushing, the demanding, being physically pushed around, and demeaned…that being asked out on a real date - to a place I’m dying to go, in enemy territory - took me off guard.

What does he want? What’s he after? He made some comment about having a taste for darker things, but is an absolutely respectful gentleman as well - so I don’t know if he’s faking it to wear down my defenses before going in for the ‘kill’ on the girl with the horns, like the lastone…preying on my vulnerabilities. 

Or if he gives a shit and actually finds me interesting.

I hate that I can’t trust people.

I’m trying…to replace unfounded paranoia with an appropriate amount of temperance…and hope. 

I like him. He’s funny, charming, witty, and intelligent…and I wasn’t lying when I said he has great hair. Not to mention my weakness for assassins, apparently. I won’t list the ones who’ve been part of my life, but I guess they have a certain undeniable…allure I struggle to resist.

We’ll do normal people things, like tour a brewery, and have a few good ales…and I won’t get high at all, that day. I mean…not enough to be anything but a little buzzed. Cold Turkey fucks me up, and he doesn’t know I…I hope Aelberyn can help me - well, not ‘can’ so much as ‘will.’ Normal would be a nice place to get back to…not sneaking shots of arcane infused whiskey from a flask when I’m feeling dodgy.

I can do this. I can do normal. Well…neither of us is ‘normal.’ But as normal as fucked up people get, right?

…fuck, I spent half the night gushing about Elven history, and digging around in ruins. This was probably the most boring date for himin the last thousand years.

I suck at normal.